I unfortunately was born a pale white guy. I say "unfortunately," because I've been conditioned by college, the news media, society, etc. to feel guilty for the color of my race.
I've been taught that I'm the bad guy in the eyes of the rest of the world, which says my race is the one that's guilty of owning slaves, and taking people's land through "colonization." And, they say I'm the one who needs to sacrifice to pay back everybody for all the evil my race has done. They say that's just plain "social justice."
This is why I sometimes wish I was born black. For, I'm sure I'd be a lot happier. For one thing, I wouldn't feel guilty at all! And for another, I'd feel everyone owed me something for mistreating my ancestors under slavery!
I'm sure I'd also be a whole lot richer, because under the President's plan of "redistribution of wealth," I'm sure I'd be able to get some money coming my way that I could use on myself.
And, because of the laws on the books of "affirmative action," I could certainly get a job much easier than my white cohorts!
I also wish I was black because society has taught me to believe that it's cool to be black. I'm so tired of being this unhip, uncool white guy. I sometimes wish I could be cool too.
I also wish I could call myself something I'm not, like "African-American." (Even though I wasn't born in Africa, nor have I even visited there). How neat it would be to be able to call myself by two nationalities instead of one, even though I wasn't born in Africa! You see, it just sounds stupid to call myself what I really am, a "German, Irish, Polish, Prussian, Swiss-American." That just doesn't sound as neat at "African-American." Why can't I just have one heritage instead of all those mixtures? Oh, if only I was cooler.
Also, when I walk into a room, I'm not the one everyone looks at. How I hate that. I sometimes wish I was black, so I'd get all the attention when I walked into the room! How great that'd be.
I also wish I could be black, cause then I could find myself a white blond-headed girlfriend. As a white guy, this is my desire, but many times I can't get that because they want black guys instead of me. So I sure wish I was black, then I would have to worry about that!
And, I sure wish I could have rhythm. I just don't know how to dance. Why, if I were black, I'm sure that wouldn't be a problem!
Also, how cool it would be to be a black preacher. I'm sure I'd have a bigger audience. As a matter of fact, now that I think about it, I'd have a really neat set of loud color suits as well, that would make sure I'm seen from a far. How great that would be!
I also could use the "N" word and nobody would say anything! How great would that be? I could call myself that or call my other brothers that, while putting down the white guy, and that'd make me feel much better about myself. Yep, that would sure be nice!
And one neat thing about being a black guy would be that I could get away with certain things just because of the color of my skin. Hey, I could use that as an excuse, and claim police brutality, or discrimination, as I try to get what I want! How great that would be to have that to fall back on and use as a crutch as I try to get ahead! Men would cower before me as they'd be afraid of being guilty of "discrimination" or "racial profiling." Why, I could get away with a whole lot if I played the color card! Would that be nice?
I also wish I was black cause it'd make me a better player at sports. I bet if I practiced a little, I could play basketball or baseball or football, and get me a scholarship to a college, and then get a big multi-million dollar contract with some big sports league team. That sure would be nice to make the big money. Of course, that would cut in on my whole "discrimination" thing, and my "race card" as I'd be getting ahead based on my ability, and not on the color of my skin, but I could live with that!
And how great it'd be to be black, as people would be afraid of me as I walked around at night, thinking I was a criminal or something. I'd have a lot of fun with that, jumping out and saying, "Boo" to passerbys as they go to and fro. How fun that would be!
And who knows, if I was black, I could probably cook better, being able to fry foods so well they melt in your mouth, or make the best bar-b-que. I can feel my mouth watering already.
And how cool would it be if I was black. Why I could rhyme better, and probably spend my days writting "raps." I could also use bad English and nobody would correct me. How cool is dat?
Finally, the greatest thing about being black is that I could join the NAACP, and sit around all day and talk about how "oppressed" I am, like these guys:
And absolutely no one would think I'm racist. (Even though I probably am). And I could brag about my race and keep pointing out that I'm black, just in case people forgot!
Oh, if only I was Black!
But then again, would it really be that different if I were black? I mean after all, we are all the same, right? Right? Aren't we all citizens of the United States under the same laws and protections? I'm mean there is no difference between white and black, no favortism, no racism, no racial tension, is there? Is there?
(Note: This has been SARCASM in its purest form. Take it any way you like it. All I know is I'm white and I'm not a racist. In fact, I recently met some black folks here in town and spoke with them for a while. I told them about my friend, the black janitor in Elementry School named Mr. Blue, and how everyone loved him, especially us students. They informed me that Mr. Blue had passed away. I felt tears whelling up in my eyes, and I had to walk away as I cried. How I miss that man. Never a sweeter man walked the face of the earth. He cared for me, and knew me by name, asking, "How is ya, Mr. Robert?" I'd respond, "I'm fine Mr. Blue!"
Why can't Whites and Blacks get along like old Mr. Blue and I did? Why the special treatment today toward blacks? Why the trying to make whites feel guilty for something their forefathers did 150 years ago? Why the racism? After all, aren't we all human beings?)